And Then There Were Three

Chris and I had been wanting a dog for a while. He loves dogs and even grew up with a dog named Jack who died when Chris was 22. Almost 10 years later, Chris was getting the itch to own a dog again, specifically a pug. Shortly after we got married, he started planting the “We should get a pug” seed into my head. I was a little hesitant at the idea at first because I’ve never owned a pet in my entire life, but after a few months of Chris constantly showing me random pictures of adorable little pugs on the internet, I, too, had developed pug fever and was sold on the idea. We would get a pug, but not until we moved into a house.

We had originally planned on renting a house when our apartment lease ended a month ago, but due to financial reasons, we decided to hold off on a house until November 2015. We were both a little disappointed with this decision because it meant we would have to wait another year to get a dog. Well, after some discussion about our timeline life plans, we decided that in addition to moving into a house in November 2015, we would start trying to have a baby around that time, too, which meant we would go ahead and get a dog now so we wouldn’t have to experience too many big life changes at once.

So we started searching for a pug. The first place we looked was pug rescue websites, but unfortunately, we couldn’t find what we were looking for. We knew for sure that we wanted a purebred, male, fawn pug around 1 year old so we could name him Otis (like Milo and Otis), but most of the pugs at the pug rescues are old, mixed breeds, unhealthy, or all of the above. The other problem with some of the pug rescue sites we looked at was that they are not kept up-to-date. One day, we did actually manage to find a one-year-old, male, fawn pug, but he got adopted right away and the rescue never bothered to update their website to reflect that. We were so bummed when we found out that pug had been taken so quickly, so we decided to start working on our adoption application so we would be one step ahead next time we found a pug we wanted to adopt. It turns out the adoption application was four pages long and the adoption process as a whole would be even more tedious. At this point, Chris and I decided to look elsewhere for our pug.

Chris started checking Craigslist daily to see if anyone would be selling or even giving away the kind of pug we were looking for. There were a few times when we were very tempted to just get a pug puppy from a breeder, but having a puppy would be difficult since we both work full-time and neither of us would be home during the day to prevent the puppy from going to the bathroom all over our apartment. Even though the pug rescue idea didn’t work out, and getting a puppy was out of the question, we remained hopeful. We also promised each other that if we found the perfect pug in another city, we would make the trip to get him.

Last Tuesday while I was at work, Chris texted me and told me to be home by 5:30pm because he was taking me somewhere as a surprise. I immediately assumed he was taking me on some kind of date night, so I made sure to get home in time like he told me to. Once we got in my car, he said we needed to get gas and then stop at an ATM because the place we were going only takes cash. I was immediately confused. I still had a quarter tank of gas left, so how far were we going? And what kind of place only takes cash these days? I decided not to think too much about it and let myself be surprised, and surprised I was: we ended up driving for an hour and ended up in a residential neighborhood in Manteca! At this point, my assumption about date night had been tossed out the window; the only other reason I could think of as to why Chris had taken me all the way out to Manteca was because we were getting a pug puppy. As it turns out, I was only half right:

“Do you know why we’re here?” Chris asked me as I parked in front of the house and turned off the car.

“We’re getting a pug puppy!” I replied enthusiastically.

“Close. We’re getting a male, fawn pug! He’s one year old, and his name is already Otis!”

*Cue all the feelings of excitement and tears of happiness*

Chris went on to tell me that he had found a Craigslist ad for the dog over the weekend. He immediately called the owner to find out if the dog was still available and why on earth he would be selling it. Apparently, the owner is an old guy who said he just didn’t have the energy to give the dog the time and attention he needs, so he thought it would be best to find the dog a loving home, particularly with a younger owner. As soon as the owner told Chris that the dog’s name is Otis, Chris asked, “HOW SOON CAN I COME PICK HIM UP?”

We have had Otis for almost a week now, and we are just over-the-moon in love with this little guy. He is so friendly, energetic, loveable, and basically the cutest thing ever! We do have some work to do with Otis, though. His previous owner never kept a collar on Otis and never took him out on a leash, so right now, we’re trying to get Otis used to both those things. Otis also needs to work on learning commands (he only knows “sit” and “no”), so we plan to take him to obedience classes at our local Petco. Luckily, he is mostly potty trained so the hard work is pretty much done!

I still can’t believe we finally got our Otis. We’ve been talking about and looking for this exact dog for so long, and now we finally have him. I’ve been calling him our little Christmas miracle since we found him a couple days before Christmas. Now that Christmas is over, I’m looking forward to starting the new year with Otis. I’m excited to to spoil him and watch him grow. I’m excited to become “parents” with Chris. I’m excited for life as a family of three.

On Cultivating Family Relationships

When I was a kid, I saw my immediate family and relatives all the time. My parents, siblings, and I all lived under one roof, and we made a concerted effort to see both my mom’s and dad’s side of the family for holidays. Oh, and let’s not forget birthday celebrations, too! I saw my family members a lot while growing up, and I felt close to many of them.

Fast forward to my adult life when I started seeing my family less. My parents divorced when I was 19, so that was the beginning of my growing apart from my family, particularly my relatives. With divorced parents, it became harder to figure out who to visit during the holidays. As I got into my twenties and developed more freedom, I realized I didn’t always HAVE to go to family get-togethers, so I didn’t. In college, I didn’t have time to see ANYONE, especially relatives who lived two hours away. I moved away to Korea for a year, and like my friendships, my year-long absence affected the strength of my family relationships. Finally, now that I’m married, I have a whole new family that I’m obligated to: my in-laws. And I’ll admit that I’ve made visiting them during holidays a priority over my own relatives this last year since Chris and I got engaged, then married.

I want all of this to change. My family is important to me and I need to start treating them that way. This means I need to start putting in the effort to cultivate my family relationships and make them strong again. This means showing up to holiday get-togethers, weddings, baby showers, and birthday celebrations. This means visiting just for the sake of visiting. This means putting in the effort, because I’m an adult and I have the resources, the time, the capability, and the desire to be close with my family again. Here are some ways I plan to do just that:

• Spend time with my dad at least once a week. He’s my last living parent; I need to make the most of the time we have left together.
• Spend more one-on-one time with my 19-year-old sister. Sometimes I forget that she’s so young, and with my mom gone, she doesn’t have a strong female role model in her life anymore. I could never replace my mom’s role in my sister’s life, but I can at least try to be a better big sister.
• Visit my grandpas once every 1-2 months. I recently visited my dad’s dad in San Jose on Father’s Day and it had been six months since I saw him last. Unacceptable! Both grandpas live in the Bay Area, so this is totally doable.
• Be a better aunt. My older half brother has a nine year old son. I tried to be a good aunt when he was born, but it was hard because my brother and his son live in San Jose, so we don’t see them very often. Because of this, my nephew never really got familiar with me. After a while, I kind of gave up on being a good aunt because my nephew has never seen me as one. I want to change this, though. I want my nephew to know me as his aunt and I want us to have a better relationship.
• Keep in contact with my mom’s brothers. Ever since my mom died, her side of the family has dispersed a lot in the last three years, partly because of a falling out I had with my grandma. Even though I don’t talk to my grandma anymore, I don’t want that to affect my relationship with my uncles. They were the uncles I felt closest to growing up, and I don’t want that to change.
• Create new memories with my cousin. My cousin Audrey and I are the same age, and because of that, we were extremely close while growing up. We always hung out at all the family get-togethers, and we would take turns having sleepovers at each others’ houses. For some reason, that closeness stopped when we hit our twenties; I have way more memories of us when we were kids than as adults! I want to change this by visiting her more in San Jose and being there for her during her second pregnancy. Her baby shower is already marked in pen on my calendar!

Are you close to your immediate family and relatives? How often do you see them?

Father’s Day

I had a really wonderful Father’s Day with my dad. We spent the day at my grandpa’s house in Alviso barbecuing hot dogs, taking shots of Patron, and visiting with my relatives. I hadn’t seen my dad’s side of the family since Thanksgiving, so I was really excited to see my aunts, uncles, cousins, cousins’ kids, and especially, my grandpa. He’s getting up there and doesn’t have too much time left, so it was awesome to spend time some with him, which is really something I need to do more often.

And of course, it was awesome to spend time with my dad as well. I see him weekly, but on Father’s Day, I was reminded how lucky I am that he’s still here. My dad has had a hard year in terms of his health. In May 2012, he was in the hospital for a week due to a bad kidney infection. Last Christmas, he found out his prostate cancer came back. And a few weeks ago, he had surgery to have his gull bladder taken out. My dad is getting older, which means his health isn’t what it used to be, so I need to keep in mind to start cherishing the time we have together and appreciate the fact that he’s still alive and, for the most part, well. Same goes for my grandpa.

How was your Father’s Day? How often do you spend time with your dad and grandpa(s)?

Happy Father’s Day, Dad

To the man who cheered me on at every ballet recital, choir concert, softball game, and dance performance I’ve ever been in…

To the man who taught me how to ride a bike and drive a car…

To the man who sold his beloved ’69 Grand Prix so he could afford to buy me my first car at 16-years-old…

To the man who has done his absolute best to protect me from the harms of the world (this includes the heartbreakers I dated in high school)…

To the man who always encouraged me to get an education and cried tears of joy at my college graduation…

To the man who has always come to the rescue when I needed help and continues to be there for me no matter what…

…Happy Father’s Day. Love you, Dad.

R.I.P. Grandma

Guedelia Villagomez

November 19th, 1928 – January 25th, 2012

I Want to Punch Cancer in the FACE. Take Two.

Everything was going great: I had just graduated from college. I was getting ready to go to Paris for my graduation trip. I was applying for promising jobs teaching English overseas. Friends were good; work was good; life was good, perhaps a little too good. Because then it decided to throw the hugest curveball, which happened to hit me right in the stomach, leaving me winded and gasping for air.

Remember when my mom’s cancer came back and rapidly took her life away not even a whole year ago? Well, guess what?

My dad has prostate cancer.

He found out a few weeks ago and told me and my siblings a couple days afterward. Our initial reaction was shock: What the hell is prostate cancer? How did our dad get it and how serious is it? Could this really be happening to us again so soon after we lost our mom? Our reactions eventually turned from shock to sorrow: It’s already hard enough to be without one parent, but to be without both? I, personally, can’t even imagine not having any parents. But for my little siblings to not have any parents? It’s a completely heartbreaking reality to think about.

After telling us the horrible news, my dad proceeded to inform us of the seriousness of his newfound illness. Luckily, his cancer is only at stage T2, so there’s still a chance the doctors can catch it. However, the doctors have informed my dad that the cancer is aggressive, so he will need to have surgery to remove the tumor as soon as possible; his surgery is scheduled for March 1st.

So, that’s the huge life curveball that has come into my life recently. Know what’s ironic? I was just writing about this a month ago: “If life was easy, then it wouldn’t be life” and “When we least expect it, life will throw us a huge curveball, but it’s all for a reason” and “You’re going to get through it and become a stronger person in the process.” At the time when I was reflecting, I was so adamant and righteous. But now, I’m not so sure. Yes, life has its ups and downs, but this? Another parent with cancer? The possibility of my dad losing his life if his cancer can’t be treated? I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this all again, especially since it hasn’t even been a year since my mom passed. On the outside, I’m putting on a happy face and acting like everything is okay, but on the inside, I’m scared and struggling. I feel like life is upside down and out of control and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. The one thing I can do, however, is to prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

Appreciate: My Family and Friends are Absolutely Amazing

 

Surrounded by love and happiness on my graduation day

December 14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

2010 has been quite an eventful year for me: my mom passed away, I turned 25, I performed in two dance concerts, and I graduated from college. Throughout the course of these events that have happened within the last year, I’ve realized something important: I have family and friends who love me, believe in me, and will support me no matter what.

After my mom’s cancer returned earlier this year, I had friends, family friends, and relatives reaching out to help me and my family in every way possible. My friends gave me their shoulders to cry on and did their best to make me laugh or smile whenever possible. My family friends brought over cards and flowers for my mom. And when my mom inevitably passed away, my relatives supplied all of the food for her Celebration of Life Memorial.

Once my 25th birthday came around in May, my family and friends did everything they could to make my day special. My girlfriends went wine tasting with me during the day and out to dinner with me at night. My roommate and dad cooked special meals for me. And both of my family members and friends showered me with homemade cupcakes, flowers, and thoughtful gifts.

When it came time for me to perform in my dance concerts, my family and friends were all in attendance. They paid for tickets and for parking. They showed up early and took me out to eat afterward. They brought me flowers, and they sat front and center.

The closer I became to finishing up my last semester of college and graduating, the more my family and friends cheered me on. When I told them about my after-college plans for teaching in another country next year, they expressed genuine encouragement and excitement for me. After completing my very last final, some of my co-workers took me out drinking to celebrate. And on my graduation day, many of my family and friends were there to celebrate my important day with me.

The evening of my graduation day, I went out to dinner with some of my closest friends. Once all nine of us sat down at the dinner table and began looking over the menu, my friend Kiersten leaned over to me and said, “Look at all these people here at your graduation dinner. You are so loved.” After Kiersten said this to me, I took a good look around the table. “I am,” I replied. “I really am.”

In 2010, the one thing I have come to appreciate the most is the love, belief, and support of my family and friends. I plan on expressing my gratitude by constantly showing my love, belief, and support for them in return.