Future Self: A Letter

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?

Dear Gina, Age 25

Congratulations! You did it! You’ve accomplished your goal of graduating from college and earning a degree. You’ve worked really hard for this and I’m proud of you. Now that you’re finally done with college, you’re probably really excited to move on to bigger and better things. But first, I want to give you some advice to help you in the year 2011: your first year as an adult.

Now that you’re not in college anymore, it’s time to make your way into Big Girl Life. This means presenting yourself as an adult: No more wearing pajamas, or even sweats, in public! You’re going to have to start learning how to cook real food, rather than spaghetti and cheese quesadillas. You should also stop wifi-mooching at your neighborhood coffee shops and set up Big Girl Internet in your apartment. Make sure you’re diligent about doctor/dentist check-ups, eating healthy, and exercising. Start saving money for your future endeavors.

You’re going to have a lot more time on your hands now, so make sure you spend it wisely. Be there for your little siblings as much as possible by supporting them, encouraging them, and being a positive role model. Spend time with your grandparents, because they won’t be around much longer. Get back into doing volunteer work. Constantly show love and gratitude for the people in your life.

You’re going to have more time to date now, and even have a relationship if you want one. But do yourself a favor by not dating anymore 23 year olds. In fact, just stay away from younger guys altogether. Hell, even the older guys have their moments of immaturity. Whatever the age, situation, or circumstance, always remember to keep in mind your standards—the love you’re holding out for. Don’t rush into something that doesn’t feel right just because your friends are all getting married and you think you should be doing the same. You’re only 25; you have the rest of your life to settle down. Pace yourself.

My last bit of advice to you is: Be brave. I know you’re experiencing a lot of confusion and change right now. You have so many things you want to do in life and you don’t know where to start. You’re transitioning from a college student to an actual adult. You’re growing up, but don’t be scared. If you feel called to move to another country for a year, do it. If you decide you want to go back to school, go back. If you get offered a great full-time job in Sacramento, take it. When you make mistakes along the way, learn from them. But whatever you do, make sure it feels right and makes you happy.

Oh, and one more thing: You have a bright future ahead. Be sure to enjoy every minute of it.

Love,

Gina, Age 30

Appreciate: My Family and Friends are Absolutely Amazing

 

Surrounded by love and happiness on my graduation day

December 14 – Appreciate. What’s the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

2010 has been quite an eventful year for me: my mom passed away, I turned 25, I performed in two dance concerts, and I graduated from college. Throughout the course of these events that have happened within the last year, I’ve realized something important: I have family and friends who love me, believe in me, and will support me no matter what.

After my mom’s cancer returned earlier this year, I had friends, family friends, and relatives reaching out to help me and my family in every way possible. My friends gave me their shoulders to cry on and did their best to make me laugh or smile whenever possible. My family friends brought over cards and flowers for my mom. And when my mom inevitably passed away, my relatives supplied all of the food for her Celebration of Life Memorial.

Once my 25th birthday came around in May, my family and friends did everything they could to make my day special. My girlfriends went wine tasting with me during the day and out to dinner with me at night. My roommate and dad cooked special meals for me. And both of my family members and friends showered me with homemade cupcakes, flowers, and thoughtful gifts.

When it came time for me to perform in my dance concerts, my family and friends were all in attendance. They paid for tickets and for parking. They showed up early and took me out to eat afterward. They brought me flowers, and they sat front and center.

The closer I became to finishing up my last semester of college and graduating, the more my family and friends cheered me on. When I told them about my after-college plans for teaching in another country next year, they expressed genuine encouragement and excitement for me. After completing my very last final, some of my co-workers took me out drinking to celebrate. And on my graduation day, many of my family and friends were there to celebrate my important day with me.

The evening of my graduation day, I went out to dinner with some of my closest friends. Once all nine of us sat down at the dinner table and began looking over the menu, my friend Kiersten leaned over to me and said, “Look at all these people here at your graduation dinner. You are so loved.” After Kiersten said this to me, I took a good look around the table. “I am,” I replied. “I really am.”

In 2010, the one thing I have come to appreciate the most is the love, belief, and support of my family and friends. I plan on expressing my gratitude by constantly showing my love, belief, and support for them in return.

5 Minutes: My Year in Pictures

December 15 – 5 Minutes. Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

If you know me at all, you know that I love, love, LOVE to take pictures; it’s the Asian inside of me. I love taking pictures so much, I carry my camera with me everywhere I go.  I’ll never know when I might want to capture a moment I’ll want to remember.

I’ve decided that pictures would work well for this post. Call it cheating. Call it laziness. But for me, a timeline of pictures is the most ideal way for me to remember the significant events that took place during 2010:

January: Hunter and I made finals in the Advanced Strictly at the Lone Star Championships

March: My Mom's Celebration of Life Memorial

March: Karina, one of my high school besties, got married!

May: I performed in a school dance concert for the first time ever

May: For my 25th birthday, I went wine tasting in Napa for the first time

June: Eddie and Emily's wedding (I was a bridesmaid!)

July: Spontaneous day trip to Stinson Beach with my roomie

August: Disneyland vacation with my fam bam

September: I was in another school dance concert.

October: Roomie and I did Halloween "little kid" style by going to Marine World. It was a blast!

 

Community: Why Dancers and Bloggers Are So Awesome

December 7 – Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

Just an average day in the life of a dancer

For the most part, I don’t regret majoring in English, because I enjoy books, poetry, writing, and the like. However, there are a few things about the English major that I occasionally found annoying throughout college. Like the fact that the predominant gender for the English major is girls. And the fact that out of the handful of guys who actually do major in English, few of them are actually attractive. And the fact that almost everyone who majors in English, whether they are male or female, is a socially awkward introvert who would rather sit in a coffee shop with Hemingway, Faulkner, or Eliot than, you know, be social. So you can imagine my frustrations when it came to making friends in my classes, much less, discovering a sense of community at my school.

That all changed earlier this year, though, when I decided to change my minor from Spanish to Dance, as well as perform in two different dance concerts. These decisions led to my being constantly surrounded by dancers, who happen to be some of the funniest, quirkiest, craziest, and most extroverted people one will ever meet. And because of my constant exposure to these people, I was finally able to start making friends in my classes and develop a sense of community while in college.

When I think about what I am going to miss the most about being in college, my newfound dance community is the first thing that comes to mind. I will miss the dance classes and the professors who taught them. I will miss performing in dance concerts. And most of all, I will miss the connections made, camaraderies developed, and community discovered over the past year. Something else I will miss about school is studying English and the constant practice of reading and writing. This is where my plans for connecting with a new community come in.

Now that I’m done with school, a community I would like to connect more deeply with is the blogging community. I love blogging because it’s a way for me to express my thoughts, ideas, questions, stories, and feelings through writing. I love reading blogs because I enjoy reading about other people’s lives in order to gain inspiration for the things I want to do in my own life. For me, reading blogs is like reading a variety of mini-memoirs on a daily basis. So now that I won’t be obligated to read literature and write essays anymore, I will be able to devote more time blogging, reading blogs, and getting to know other bloggers out there in the “Blogosphere.” Participating in Reverb 10 is my first step towards doing this.

In 2010, I discovered a sense of community with the dancers whom I met in my dance classes, causing my college experience to become a little more exciting and meaningful. In 2011, my goal is to be more involved with blogging in hopes of making more friends and deeply connecting with such a unique and inspiring community of people.

Action: Forget Big Kid Jobs, I’d Rather Move to Thailand

December 13 – Action. When it comes to aspirations, it’s not about ideas. It’s about making ideas happen. What’s your next step?

Out of curiosity, I’ve been looking at what’s out there as far as Big Kid Jobs go, and in doing so, I’ve realized two things:

a) How completely useless a bachelor’s degree is, and

2) The amount of jobs out there are slim to none.

Well, don’t get me wrong. There are jobs out there. I guess I should re-state #2 on my list to: The amount of exciting, well-paid jobs that pertain to what I studied in college are slim to none.

Here’s an idea as to what I’ve been finding: Full-time jobs where the monthly income would be anywhere between $1500-$2000 (I make that working part-time in a restaurant). Jobs that require 12 ECE units, but not a bachelor’s degree. Jobs that require proficiency in Microsoft Office programs, but not a bachelor’s degree. Jobs that require 5+ years of [insert name of job title here] experience, yet no bachelor’s degree. And can someone please tell me what the hell a “Research Analyst” does? Actually, I’m not sure if I want to know, because just the job title alone sounds painfully boring.

Oh, there are jobs out there alright. However, the stubborn side of me refuses to apply for a job where I’ll have to work twice as many hours in order to make the same monthly salary I can make working at a part-time restaurant job. It also refuses to apply for a job that doesn’t require the possession of the bachelor’s degree that I worked hard for. And it really refuses to apply for a job where I’m required to sit in a desk for 40 hours a week, bored out of my mind. Nope. Not me. No thank you.

So, if I refuse to do the full-time job thing once I’m done with college, what left is there to do? I’m thinkin’ move to Thailand.

Yes, your heard me. Thailand.

Why? Because a professor from my school is taking applications for people to teach English there. And he wants people with degrees. English degrees. Hey, what do you know? I’ll have one of those pretty soon.

Also, not only would teaching English in Thailand be a great way to utilize my degree, but it will be a great way to travel. To explore. What better way for me to do that than pack up my bags and live in another country for a year?

Yes, a year. I know a year is a long time, but not really when I have nothing here in Sacramento tying me down: no more school, no full-time job, no boyfriend, no friends. Well, I have friends, but they’re all busy getting/being married, having/raising kids, finishing school, or moving out of Sacramento themselves.

Yes, applying to teach English in Thailand for a year is the plan, the plan to make my aspirations a reality. Now it’s time to take action. My applications are filled out and I pick up my letters of recommendation tomorrow. After I submit everything on Thursday, all I will have to do is wait. What will I do if I don’t get the job? I don’t know, but what I do know is that whatever I end up doing, it won’t involve working 40 hours a week as a Research Analyst.

Let Go: Figuring Out Who My True Friends Are

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

If there was one thing I learned from my mom’s ordeal with cancer earlier this year, it was whom I could call a true friend. More specifically, I learned how to identify the “convenience friendships” in my life, and how to let go of them, no matter how much history and how many years of friendship I had shared with that person. Or, so I thought.

Five years is a long time to wonder how much you mean to someone. To always be an option rather than a priority. To sit on the sidelines and watch while he or she does whatever is convenient for him or her at the time. I finally understood how much I meant to a “best friend” of mine this year when I withdrew from my social life in order to take care and spend every waking minute with my mom since her cancer was getting worse and worse every day. Even though I was M.I.A. from my social circle for two months, many of my friends continued to check up on me every so often and inquire as to my mom’s health status in many different ways: in person, phone, text, email, Facebook, etc. These small gestures, these minute actions, actually meant a lot to me: It not only showed me that my friends cared about me, but that they were concerned for my mom as well. So imagine my hurt and disappointment when someone whom I thought was one of my “best friends,” someone who knew my mom and was close to my family, failed to show any kind of care or concern at all. Not a single phone call, text message, or email for two months. And that was the confirmation I needed to realize that after five years of sitting on the sidelines and waiting to be a priority, I was always going to be the option, the “bench warmer.” After five years of questioning how much I meant to this “best friend” of mine, I finally knew the answer: not enough.

At the time, it really broke my heart to realize this about someone whom I cared about so much, and whose friendship I placed so much value on. After the heartbreak was over, however, I started to understand that this revelation was for the best, because it meant my not being the convenience friend anymore. It meant investing my time and energy towards my affirmed or newfound true friends. It meant letting go and moving on. And that’s exactly what I did. Until recently.

For the past four months, “best friend” has been making many attempts to come back into my life again. Consistent attempts. Repeated attempts. Genuine attempts, like attending my dance show, visiting me at work, showing sadness whenever I talk about moving away next year, expressing concern when I’m hurt, and making an effort to spend time with me. It’s as if I’ve finally become a priority to this person. I’m not a convenience anymore.

So what does all this mean? Is “best friend” trying to make up for not being a best friend during the time I needed one the most? Is “best friend” turning into Best Friend? I wish I knew. Part of me is thinking, “Don’t hold your breath. ‘Best friend’ has done this many times before. You’re just what’s convenient for right now.” And the other part of me is thinking, “Things are different this time. Learn to forgive and forget.”

This year, I let go of a convenience friendship because I was tired of the incessant hurt and disappointment that came with it. However, the more and more effort “best friend” makes to be a true friend, a Best Friend, the more I find myself letting someone whom I let go, back in again.

Party Prompt: The Best Big Girl Birthday Party Ever

December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

Happy 25th Birthday to Me

Preparing to turn 25 can be quite daunting. As the quarter-life birthday rapidly approaches, one may start to think: “Oh my god, I’m turning 25. I’m going to be in my mid-twenties. And then before you know it, I’ll be *gasps* 30! Oh my god, I’m getting… old.” And then, after the initial shock of growing another year older subsides, one might start to think: “Oh my god, I’m turning 25. Am I where I’m supposed to be? Shouldn’t I be done with college by now? Shouldn’t I have a full-time job? Shouldn’t I be married with kids? What am I doing with my life?”

These are all of the thoughts that ran through my mind as my 25th birthday crept upon me. However, instead of letting these worries about turning 25 bring me down, I decided to rejoice my quarter-life birthday instead. I immediately started making plans to have a “Big Girl Birthday Party” consisting of wine tasting during the day in Napa with a handful of my closest girlfriends, followed by a dinner gathering later that evening with a combination of friends from school, work, and dance.

I had never gone wine tasting in Napa before, or gone wine tasting in general, so I was especially excited for this part of my birthday celebration. After a filling breakfast at Cafe Bernardo, my best friends and I made the hour drive to “wine country” where three complimentary* wine tastings awaited. Cakebread Cellars was our first stop, where we received an elaborate tour of the beautiful winery. Duckhorn Vineyards was a much more formal winery: Their guests are provided with their own tasting tables so they can sit and really enjoy the wine, rather than fight through the crowds to get their glasses refilled. Our last stop of the day was at Frank Family Vineyards where, along with the wines, we tasted a couple different champagnes as well. After a long day of vino-drinking, my friends and I were all sufficiently inebriated.

Wine tasting in Napa was a blast, but there was even more fun to be had back in Sacramento. After sobering up and freshening up, my girls and I headed over to Paesano’s Pizzeria, one of my favorite restaurants, for a dinner gathering consisting of about 18 of my dearest friends. Throughout dinner we drank fruity cocktails, ate delicious pasta, laughed at each other’s jokes, took silly pictures, and had a genuinely good time. I opened my gifts, some of which included a hula hoop, a gift certificate to Urban Outfitters (win), and clothes from H&M (double win). I made a wish and blew out the candle on my complimentary scoop of vanilla ice cream with hot fudge drizzled all over it; my wish was to be able to keep the people surrounding me, the people who bring me so much joy and contentment, forever in my life.

I’m glad I ended up making a big deal about my 25th birthday and planning a day of fun to celebrate it; it gave me an incentive to go wine tasting– to have a Big Girl Birthday Party, which coincided with my transition into Big Girl life. Also, having such an epic birthday celebration was a good excuse to bring all of my good friends together. Seeing how all of my friends went above and beyond to make my 25th birthday special reminded me of how lucky I am. This memorable birthday celebration, combined with the reminder of what great friends I have, was a great way to enter into my 25th year of life.

*One of the perks of working in the service industry: If you email the winery’s host ahead of time and tell him or her that you work in the industry, he or she will hook you up big time, especially if it’s your birthday.

Moment: My Return to the Social Dance Floor

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

My first night out social dancing in two months

I love all forms of dance, of movement, but Lindy Hop will always hold the number one spot in my heart when it comes to the form of dance that makes me feel the most alive. It wasn’t until I went two whole months without it, however, when I realized this.

The hiatus began when my mom’s cancer started to intensify; I couldn’t bring myself to go out and have fun while every day that came and went, she became closer to dying. Even after my mom passed, I didn’t go back out social dancing right away; I needed some time to grieve, so showing up at a social dance full of people whom I hadn’t seen in months didn’t seem like a good idea since I wouldn’t be able to put on a “happy face.”

Three weeks later, I finally made it back out. Going into the dance, I was apprehensive. “Two months is the longest I’ve ever gone without social dancing. Will I even be able to remember how to do a swingout?” I nervously thought to myself. I was timid, but still curious to rediscover something I vaguely remembered. After tying the laces of my dance shoes and getting asked to dance by one of my favorite leads, I made my return back to my element, my home away from home: the social dance floor.

As it turns out, I had completely underestimated the power of my body’s muscle memory; I could, in fact, still do a swingout. And not only that, but I could enjoy my favorite dance again. I could swingout, swivel, and smile without guilt, and know that it was okay because that’s what my mom would have wanted for me: to keep dancing, because a love for dance is one of the greatest things we had in common.

I had been without Lindy Hop – my outlet, my passion, the one thing in life that makes me feel the most alive – for two months. I will always remember how during that first dance, I was finally able to release all my feelings of anger, sadness, and death because I was doing something that brought me happiness. And I will always remember how that first dance, that moment, brought me back to life again.

One Word: The Need for Balance, and the Need to Explore

Since I’m so big on goal-setting, reflection, and all that mushy stuff, I’ve decided to participate in #reverb10. Reverb 10 is an annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead.

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

The reason I enjoy blogging so much is because it serves as my own personal archive of the thoughts, experiences, and emotions I was feeling at a certain time in my life. In order to begin this blog post, I needed to refer to a post I had written a year ago over at my previous blog. The post I referenced was about the New Year’s resolutions I had set for 2010, and I needed it to help me encapsulate the year 2010 in one word.

After reading the post, remembering what my resolutions were for 2010, and exactly why I had set them, it occurred to me that at that point in my life, I was looking for a sense of balance. A year ago, I was going to school full-time and working two part-time jobs, as well as an internship. Because I had such a full plate of commitments, I was constantly busy, tired, and stressed. I wasn’t eating right and I couldn’t find the time to exercise. Essentially, I was a hot mess, on the inside and out. I remember that time in my life and ask myself, “When did I ever find the time to sleep or make time for myself? Was it worth all of the stress? How did I even manage to survive such an intense semester? What was I thinking?”

After that semester was over, I made a promise to take care of myself. To not take on so much in life that I start to get beyond overwhelmed. To start eating right and making sure I have enough time in my schedule to practice yoga or go for a run at the gym. To find a sense of balance in my life where I devote an equal amount of time to my education, my job, and myself. And that’s exactly what I did this year. I achieved the sense of balance that I needed, and because of this balance, I gained back control.

When I think about my goals for next year, these are the main ideas that come to mind: travel, wander, explore. Explore is the word I want to encapsulate the year 2011. I keep saying how I’ve been bitten by the travel bug, and I’ve been bit hard; I want to see the world and all of the beauty it contains. In addition to this kind of exploring, however, I want to explore the opportunities and possibilities that present themselves to me: internships, jobs, dancing, teaching, moving to another city, state, or even country. In the year 2011, I want to explore what the world, as well as my own life, has to offer.