14 Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day No Matter What Your Relationship Status Is

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I’ve never been one to hate on Valentine’s Day, even when I was single. OK, maybe I hated on it a little bit when I was single and in my early twenties, but when I single and in my mid-twenties, I started learning how to appreciate the holiday and even celebrate it despite my singledom. Over the last few years, I’ve grown to really love Valentine’s Day and see it as a holiday that’s meant for everyone to celebrate, not just those who are in a relationship. So today, I want to share the fun ways I’ve celebrated Valentine’s day in the past when I was single, and how I celebrate it today:

If you’re single…

1) Plan a girls’ night in. Invite some of your girlfriends over for a night of drinks, snacks, and chick flicks. If chick flicks aren’t your thing, forget them and focus on the good company instead! One of my favorite ways to hang out with my girlfriends is to host a Wine Night: everyone brings a bottle of wine or a snack to share, and we spend the evening getting tipsy off of Pinot Noir while catching up on each others’ lives. Wine + girl talk = THE BEST

2) Treat yourself to a spa day. Get your hair did. Get a facial. Get a pedicure. It doesn’t matter what you get as long as you treat yo’ self.

3) Take yourself out to lunch. And I don’t mean to Chipotle or Panera Bread. I mean wine and dine yourself. I did this on Valentine’s day a few years ago pre-Chris: I went to one of my favorite restaurants, sat at the bar, ordered a glass of wine with my lunch, and even ordered dessert afterward. To this day, that lunch is one of the best dining experiences I’ve ever had, probably because I wasn’t afraid to be seen “eating alone,” especially on Valentine’s Day.

4) Go shopping. I will find any excuse to take myself on a mini shopping spree, Valentine’s Day included.

5) Buy yourself flowers. Because all the single ladies deserve flowers on V-Day, too!

If you’re in a relationship…

6) Collaborate on a fun date night out. You pick the restaurant, he picks the activity (movie, mini golf, bowling, etc.) or vice versa.

7) Or save money and plan a date night in. Cook for your man while he picks out some romantic comedies for the two of you to watch after dinner.

8) Make your man a meaningful gift instead of buying one. I made this book for Chris last year and he loved it!

9) Surprise your man with his favorite sweet treat. I’ve already bought Chris all of his favorite candies and plan to bake him a dozen of his favorite cookies. Hopefully he doesn’t get a stomachache from all that sugar!

10) Remind your man why you love him. Sure, it’s good to remind your S.O. that you love him, but sometimes it’s nice to remind your man of the reasons WHY you love him, too. Is it because of he has a big heart? He makes you laugh? He’s a good listener? He’s super intelligent? Let him know!

For any woman…

11) Buy yourself something sexy from Victoria’s Secret. Whether it’s lingere or underwear, buying a little somethin’-somethin’ for yourself at VS is an easy way to feel sexy.

12) Send out Valentine’s Day cards to your girlfriends. I love sending mail, and I find that Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to do so. Last year, I started the tradition of sending out little Valentines to my girlfriends, whether they’re single or taken. I can’t wait to carry on the tradition this year!

13) Bring a sweet treat into work for your co-workers. I’ve done this many times in the past and plan on doing it again this year since I’ll be working on Valentine’s Day. In the past, I’ve brought in chocolate; this year, I think I’ll bring in homemade cookies.

14) Tell someone you love them. Whether it’s your lover, bestie, family member, or pet– share the love!

What is one of your favorite ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day?

On Sharing Happiness

When I was single, sometimes I would avoid hanging out with my close group of friends because all of them were in relationships, and hanging out with a bunch of couples 24/7 reminded me of how I was without a special person in my life. A good example is this past New Year’s Eve: Instead of going to my friend Gary’s small shindig at his apartment after work where all of my coupled up friends would be waiting, I decided to go out to a bar with my single co-workers. This way, I could avoid that awkward moment at midnight where everyone would be making out with their S.O.’s except me.

There were times when I’d be able to hang out with my girlfriends one-on-one and get some quality time in. During our lunch dates and wine nights, I’d always make sure to ask them about their boyfriends out of courtesy and act happy for them when they would start talking about how wonderful [insert name of wonderful BF here] is. But deep down inside, I didn’t like asking, because it was another reminder of how I didn’t have an awesome boyfriend in my life, too. I especially hated it when my friends would then reciprocate the inquiry by asking, “So, are you seeing anyone right now?” to which I would answer with, “No, not right now./I was, but he turned out to be a jerk.”

Now that I finally have a wonderful boyfriend in my life, I can’t help but notice how the tables have slightly turned. Chris has become my new favorite topic of conversation and I will talk about him to anyone who’ll listen: I blog about him, I mention him on FB/Twitter, and I subconsciously work his name into almost every conversation I have. And now whenever I talk to my coupled up friends back home, I eagerly ask them about their S.O.’s so they can reciprocate the inquiry. Needless to say, it feels so nice to finally be able to share the happiness that they’ve been feeling for years.

The thing is, even though I am so incredibly happy in love and just want to shout it from the rooftop of my apartment building, I have to make a conscious effort to hold back in front of a lot of the friends I have here in Korea. Out of my close friends here, only one out of four of them is in a relationship. As for the other three? They’re not having the greatest luck with guys right now, so when I hang out with them, I have to try really hard not to talk about Chris too much in fear of making them feel the way I used to feel around my coupled up friends back home.

I say that I’m trying, but it’s difficult. Like I said, Chris is whom I love to talk about most and he makes me so happy, it’s hard to contain that happiness. Plus, this is the first time in my life I’ve had an amazing boyfriend to brag about. But that’s just it: bragging can be hurtful, like bragging to an unemployed person about your well-paying job that you love going to every day. When I think about how I felt during my pre-Chris single life, I realize that I don’t want to make my single girlfriends feel the same way, so I’m going to start holding back as much as I can. Yes, I’m in love and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life, but I don’t need to tell every single person I come into contact with. I’m happy and I know it, but I think the time has come to stop clapping my hands for a while, or at least not so loudly.

The Time I Took a “Chance” and Joined the Online Dating World

“Online dating? Me? Hell no. There are too many pervs and creepers in the world who can most likely be found all over those sketchy OkCupid and eHarmony websites. Besides, I don’t need a website to help me find a date. I go to school, work, and have a social life. Those are much better ways to meet guys than an online dating site.”

I had been telling myself this for a long time, but within the last year, I started to realize that my lifestyle is not at all conducive for meeting straight guys. For one, I majored in English while in college. If there was a pie chart to show the different kinds of people who pursue this major, it would say: 70% Socially Awkward Girls, 25% Socially Awkward Guys, and 5% Fun, Outgoing, Normal People. I also minored in Dance, which is: 95% Girls and 5% Gay Guys. As far as my job goes, I work in a girly café where the employees are made up of chicks, gay guys, or guys who are in very committed relationships. And finally, there’s my social life: My extracurricular activities include swing dancing and yoga. Need I say more? I do like to go out to bars and social drink with my friends, but I’ve been doing the meeting guys at bars thing for a while now, and I’m kind of over it.

I finally gave into the notion of online dating a week ago when a good friend of mine started telling me about how she had just joined OkCupid and proceeded to show me pictures of all the cute guys she was meeting through the site. “Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” I thought out loud. “These are the kinds of guys who are on dating websites? Where do I sign up?”

My friend had sold me on the idea. Plus, I figured since I’ve been making friends through Twitter and my blog lately, meeting a guy online couldn’t hurt. And sure, I’m getting ready to most likely move out of the country in three weeks, but my joining the site would just be a fun way to pass the time until my departure: I could meet some cute guys, go on some dates, have a few flings and call it a day. Besides, it’s just a free dating website. How could I possibly take it seriously, and how could anything serious come from it?

So last Wednesday, I joined OkCupid, and pretty soon, the messages and “winks” started filling up my inbox. There were definitely some pervs and creepers. There were some guys who weren’t very cute and seemed unsure of themselves. There were some guys who wrote like this: “Hey gurl, wut up? How yoo doin? Yoo lookin 4 uh man?” There were some guys who needed to learn the meaning of brevity when it came to writing self-summaries for their novel-length profiles. And there were actually some good-looking guys who seemed kinda cool, but not enough to the make me actually want to meet them in person.

But then the following Friday, I found Chance**. Or more like I found his profile after it showed up under the “Top Matches” section of my home page. His avatar caught my interest because it wasn’t the typical, self-portrait-I-took-in-a-bathroom-with-my-camera-phone shot, so I decided to see what the rest of his profile was all about. After checking out his photos and instantly becoming attracted to his looks, I read through his “About Me” section to find out that Chance is funny, smart, adventurous, goal-oriented, and a complete people-person: also all things I look for in a guy. In fact, his profile was so inviting, I decided to actually make the first move for once and message him.

The rest of the day was spent messaging back and forth with Chance through OkCupid; Saturday was spent emailing; and Sunday, as well as every day since then, has been spent sending texts, pictures, and videos to each other. It’s been really great getting to know Chance so well before our date this Friday, but it’s also been kind of weird for me: I’m not used to meeting people online first before I meet them in real life. Also, I know what he looks like and have heard his voice, so it feels like we’ve already met in a way. And finally, I’ve been feeling a connection between the two of us: we have a lot in common, we have a similar sense of humor, and we can “talk” all day about absolutely nothing at all. I feel like whatever it is that’s happening between me and Chance is the last thing I ever expected to find on a free online dating site.

I know I sound like I’m getting way ahead of myself; I mean, I’ve only known the guy for five days and haven’t even met him in real life yet. However, I just can’t help but realize that I haven’t had this kind of connection with a guy in a really long time: Chance sends me texts that consist of song lyrics from the ‘80s since we both love that genre of music; he emails me his embarrassing childhood photos and laughs when I tease him about them; and you know what’s really cute? He sends me little video clips from his phone to show me what he’s doing throughout his day. Having these kinds of interactions with a guy is relatively new for me, but you know what? It’s kind of awesome, even if it’s with a guy whom I’ve never met before.

Like I mentioned earlier, Chance and I have a date this Friday night, which I’m pretty excited about because I’ll finally get to meet this guy in real life. But I’m also nervous because there are two possibilities that could happen during our date:

1) We meet each other in person and discover that we have even more chemistry in person than online/via cell phone.

2) We meet in person and I discover that his real life presence isn’t as great as it is online/via cell phone, or vice versa.

Due to the fact that I’m most likely leaving in three weeks, possibility #2 is almost preferable, because if we end up hitting it off on Friday night, my life is about to get extremely complicated in the Dating Department at a really bad time.

 

A Valentine’s Day Revolution of My Own

Like most single girls, I wasn’t looking forward to Valentine’s Day: the no-card, the no-chocolates, the no-flowers, and the no-special plans with a special someone. I was dreading the inescapable reminder that I am single with no man in hindsight and HEY! Let’s rub it in with a commercialized Hallmark holiday and make you aware of your single status even more than you already are because shame on you for being single and don’t you know being single is bad?

Yes, I was definitely cringing the moment I heard someone mention the words “Valentine’s Day.” But then I read Chelsea’s post about Valentine’s Day Revolutions. And then I read Nikki’s post about how Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples and romantic love, but for everyone. And then I read Lexa’s post on how when you’re single, that doesn’t mean you’re alone. It means you’re free. Together. Whole.

After reading all of these brilliantly inspiring posts, I went from dreading the holiday to actually looking forward to it. Like, counting-down-the-days excited, because I was planning on having a Valentine’s Revolution of my own. I was going to take myself out on a date and get pampered. I was going to show love for myself and everyone around me. I wasn’t going to mourn the fact that I’m single and without that “special someone.” Instead, I was going to rejoice the fact that I’m free, together, and whole.

So now the holiday I was looking forward to is finally here; my plans for the day will proceed as stated above. For my date and day of pampering, I’m going to practice yoga, treat myself to lunch, get a pedicure, and do some shopping. To show love for those around me, I’m making valentines for my co-workers since we’ll all be working tonight. To celebrate my freedom, I’m going to buy myself flowers, eat some chocolate, and not feel guilty or embarrassed about any of it.

Today, I’m not going to celebrate romantic love, I’m just going to celebrate love. I’m going to celebrate me.

The Love I’m Holding Out For

The love I’m holding out for will open my doors and give me his jacket when it’s cold outside. He will be smart inside the classroom and out.

The love I’m holding out for will never keep me waiting.

The love I’m holding out for will dance with me in our kitchen to Billie Holiday’s love songs, no matter how uncomfortable dancing makes him and no matter how much he dislikes jazz music. He will teach me new things, like how to play the guitar and how to shoot whiskey like a champ.

The love I’m holding out for will never play games with me.

The love I’m holding out for will make me laugh until my side hurts and tears of joy are streaming down my face. He will hold me in his arms when my eyes are purging tears of melancholy.

The love I’m holding out for will never give me a reason not to trust him.

The love I’m holding out for will watch football with my protective dad, watch out for my younger siblings, and drink Coronas with my Mexican cousins. He will receive the golden stamp of approval from all of my friends.

This is the love I’m holding out for, and I won’t settle for anything less.

Don’t. Just Don’t.

Don’t flake on me.  Don’t lag.  Don’t text me asking, “So when are you free?” and then never respond once I tell you when I’m free.  Don’t text me asking, “How is your week going?” and then never respond once I ask about yours.  Don’t tell my girlfriends what you should be telling me yourself.  Don’t expect me to do all the work and make it easy for you.  Don’t ask me to hang out right then and there, thinking I don’t already have plans, because chances are I already have plans.  Don’t tell me that you can’t wait to see me again, or that you hope to see me soon, or that you miss me, and then do nothing about it.  Don’t expect me to fall for you when you are doing absolutely nothing with your life.  Don’t try and “charm me” in hopes I’ll fall for you, even though you are doing absolutely nothing with your life.  Don’t think that you can completely blow your chance with me, but still get a second chance once a few months have passed.  Don’t think that you can completely disappear from my life, but pick up right where we left off when you feel like coming around again.  Don’t expect me to wait around forever, and don’t play games with my head or my heart, especially my heart.